Duck Soup

What a fantastic, and I mean FAN-tastic idea the Players Weekend was! Everyone has a nickname! Little League style jerseys! I never would have guessed that Paul Goldschmidt was “Goldy”. Pretty damned clever. What will those devils in marketing at Major League Baseball think of next? I think that letting lucky fans be base coaches or maybe replay umpires is the next great idea. Baseball Anarchy was fortunate enough to be granted an interview with the head honcho of new ideas for baseball, Scrooge McDuck. We caught up with him, which wasn’t easy, by telephone from the abandoned skyscraper in Chicago that now serves as the cash warehouse for MLB and the first thing we learned, believe it or not, was that they actually do keep all the money in bags that have $ embossed on them. Here, edited for levity, are excerpts from that interview.


BA:We remember the days of Schoolboy Rowe, Preacher Roe, Rabbit Maranville and others, but we never would have guessed that every ballplayer today has an actual nickname. How was that discovered?

SMc:We relied a lot on social media. People, even ballplayers, will tell you everything about themselves if you just pay attention. It didn’t end with Blue Moon Odom.

BA: Does it get confusing for the fans when their favorite players appear with not only a different looking uniform but also a different name on their backs?

SMc:There was some of that but, you know, you have to take the bad with the money, I mean, good. Our special pseudo patriotic military stuff on the 4th of July and Memorial Day has taught us that fans will adjust. Many of them are not really watching the game anyway, and the extra jerseys, caps, and other items we sell with these promotions enable us to make large charitable contributions to the various causes like the Owners Retirement Community in the Bahamas and things like that.

BA: We must admit, some of those socks were pretty cool. Why didn’t the umpires participate? Bob Walk made a suggestion that, although their nicknames may not have been usable in a family sport, it might have been okay for the players to call them Blue last weekend.

SMc: Well, the umps decided it would be beneath their dignity. However, next year we will be utilizing little advertising signs on their headsets during replay reviews that will also display their mothers’ maiden names. We think it’s a nice touch.

BA: Well thank you, Mr. McDuck, and we look forward to the next idea to monetize this great game of ours.

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